In this past month I have come to learn what family and friends can mean to me. Even if I’m still trying to let people in…. Still struggling with that. Just don’t trust people anymore. Why? you may ask. Well, because of the past. Someone always tries to hurt the other one, even if they don’t mean it. Even if they don’t intend to. Someone always ends up regretting meeting that person. Wishes that they never did. Or wishing they never did let them in too close. I’ve always been too cautious. Rather safe than sorry is my motto in life, but then is that really living. Can I really say it is living my life. Is life not about trial and error? When did anybody become perfect? Living life safe means a lot of comfort. Being so comfortable. Controlling everything to the smallest detail. How boring, right? Sounds like I’m sitting on the sideline. Just watching other people live and being judgmental of all their failures.
But, this last few days spending with people, I’ve come to realize how important they all are. Even if we sometimes want a different family. There will come a time when they will fall away. Our parents, our siblings…. Until then, we should be grateful for them. They helped to form who you are today. Even if it was out of a bad experience and past failures, they formed us.
Seeing my parents this past long weekend all warn down and getting older each year, all I can have is gratitude. To have them still with us is a blessing.
In the meantime I’m trying to let people in. Really trying. It’s a long process, but maybe one day I will prevail, but for now I am thankful for what I’ve gained.